50. Sleazy Remix 2.0 - Get Sleazier (feat. Wiz Khalifa, Andre 3000, T.I., & Lil’ Wayne) - Ke$ha: Nothing can touch Ke$ha’s original, but this amped circle-jerk makes for a damn good hip-hop bukkake session. "I only say this in cadence so it don’t get negated."
49. Bass Down Low (feat. The Cataracs) - Dev: Miss G6 steps out on her own on this confident buzzy hip-pop jam. "Give you that Black Eyed Peas, you know that boom-boom-pow."
48. Party (feat. Andre 3000 & Kanye West) - Beyonce: Easily one of the more effortless songs on Queen B’s 4, she rides a breezy 90’s bounce alongside a stellar verse from Mr. 3000. "I may be young, but I’m ready."
47. Judas - Lady GaGa: Obviously, this is no more than a less refined and pseudo-sulfuric re-interpretation of “Bad Romance” with a slight sprinkle of “Poker Face,” but damn it, does it sound great or what? Plus, GaGa & RedOne knock out some fantastic production and insane lyricism on one of her most menacing bridges ever. Still shouldn’t have been a single. "In the most biblical sense, I am beyond repentance. Fame hooker prostitute wench vomits her mind."
46. Bow Chicka Wow Wow - Mike Posner: So what if it’s probably the corniest thing ever? There’s something sweet and subtly sexy about this summery swoon from my next husband. "Break it down, dicky down down."
45. Blow - Ke$ha: Probably one of the safest bets from last year’s Cannibal EP, the Princess of Sleaze pummels her way through zippery synths and stuttered-out vocals resulting in yet another bombastic dance anthem. Two things that definitely improve the song? The oddly-fantastic video and hearing it in it’s natural habitat: a loud and trashy nightclub. "Dirt & glitter cover the floor. We’re pretty & sick. We’re young & we’re bored."
44. Ass (Remix feat. Nicki Minaj) - Big Sean: While Sean’s original was decent enough with a beat built for twerking, Saint Minaj supplies one of her trademark scene-stealing verses with enough memorable lines to create an audible house of insanity. "Couldn’t get Michael Kors if you was fuckin’ Michael Kors!"
43. Princess of China (feat. Rihanna) - Coldplay: Yes. The lyrics are typical. Yes. Rihanna is here for the potential chart positions and it might have worked out better without her. But something about the texture & atmosphere of the song just grips you underneath the icy fuzz of the synths, the boom of that militaristic drum, or the chill of the keys and strings throughout. "You’re holding in your hands the two halves of my heart.
42. Wet - Nicole Scherzinger: The horny cousin of “Only Girl (In The World).” Basically. "Well, I’ma rip my clothes off, take a leap and surf through the crowd."
41. Is It Real? - Strange Talk: A lonely spin around a indie-disco roller rink hooks up with some frenetic, yet somehow cool, lead vocals and blasts its way through one of the best songs off of the band’s eponymous EP. "Waiting restlessly not good. Little things they want unfurled. Other things come to an end. Shake my hand and say goodbye.”
40. “Rumour Has It” - Adele: The Queen of 2011 stomps, claps and storms her way through a funky, modern, gossip-fueled jazz anthem. And it is utter perfection. "But rumour has it he’s the one I’m leaving you for."
39. Bounce (feat. Kelis) - Calvin Harris: While Calvin’s vocals are always missed in my book, Kelis is by far one of the best substitutes for this blippy electro-tick jam. "When the weekend comes, I know I’ll feel alright. You will be the last thing on my mind."
38. Apartment - Young the Giant: Yet another stunner from the greatest new band of the year. "I write for fear of silence."
37. Americano - Lady GaGa: Mother Monster gets all guns a-blazing on us with a ferocious mariachi house thumper. Nowhere else on the album does the social message click as well on this track, ensuring this one as a complete triumph. Not to mention the fate of the once-victorious overturn of Prop 8 being on hold at the moment gives this song another layer of political-emotional texture. “If you love me, we can marry on the West Coast on a Wednesay en el verano en agosto.”
36. E.T. (feat. Kanye West) - Katy Perry: One of the few Teenage Dream tracks that truly deserved a full single release got it, but with some input from my man Kanye. While inoffensive to me (but not to most), the track remains to be one of Katy’s absolute best singles. “Tell me, what’s next? Alien sex.”
35. Sticks + Stones - Nicola Roberts: Of all the hot trends in pop, there was none bigger this year than the anti-bullying/pro-being yourself movement. That being said, no track devoted to cause came off quite as sincere as this one. A notch away from being total cheeseball, the sparse production, emotive vocal performance and honest lyricism saves it as well as pushes it into its greatness. The bridge of the song easily ranks as one of the absolute best verses of the entire year. "How funny that I was too young for so many things yet you thought I’d cope with being told I’m ugly."
34. I Wanna Go - Britney Spears: If “Born This Way” was guilty of borrowing from “Express Yourself,” then this is B’s version of “Hung Up,” abeit with Max Martin subbed in for Stuart Price. In any case, this is the most obviously constructed-for-radio single off of B’s Femme Fatale, but all of this doesn’t distract from the joyful ferocity of the track with a kitchy little whistle as the centerpiece. “I’ve been told what you do with it. We keep both my hands above the blanket when the light’s out.”
33. Turning Tables - Adele: Flawless. That’s about it. “I won’t let you close enough to hurt me.”
32. Beat of My Drum - Nicola Roberts: Back in 2003, when pop legend Gwen Stefani proclaimed her shit as being “B-A-N-A-N-A-S,” she didn’t realize how bananas would get from there. In what seems like a direct mashup of “Hollaback Girl” plus M.I.A. plus a million other wonderful things, Nicola shuts down the other solo projects of Girls Aloud with the most inventive pop single of the year. It should have been an international monster, but I’ll just keep it near and dear to my own heart until an even banananier track comes along in 8 years.
31. Push It - Jessie & The Toy Boys: On the other end of the spectrum, it doesn’t get much more generic than this. But that doesn’t at all prevent it from being a carefree and bombastic spin across the dance floor. "I’ve been trying to get a little bit closer. I’ve been dying to get a little bit closer to you."
30. Countdown - Beyonce: Now, when it comes to Queen B, I have millions of opinions to sort through that all conflict with each other. But when it comes to the actual content that comes from her camp, there’s usually little to complain about. Here we have an absolutely ballistic R&B booty jam about love, but with fabulously obnoxious horns, drums, hi-hats, warped synths, and so much more. Plus a perfectly deployed Boyz II Men sample. "Grind up on it, girl, show him how you ride it."
29. Feel So Close - Calvin Harris: Even though Calvin Harris’ production is always a musical highlight, I love hearing him sing. So this relatively poignant performance layered over a trademark Harris dance track gels together to deliver one of the more affecting dance songs of the year. "And there’s no stopping us right now."
28. Government Hooker - Lady GaGa: Pure. Sleaze. With dark, driving synths, a murderous bassline, and skittery drum hits, “Hooker” becomes one of the more left-of-center tracks on “Born This Way.” GaGa also delivers some pretty stupid-fantastic lyrics that really tell us nothing, but are absolutely fabulous to sing along to. "I could be sex, unless you want to hold hands."
27. Bubble Pop! - Hyuna Kim: Alright. It does sound oddly familiar in the sense that it takes cues from a few contemporary hits and borrows from trendy sounds of the moment. However, the track is an overall delight, with joyous summer vibes and just enough shameless sex appeal to be everyone’s guilty pleasure and one of my own pure pleasures. "Bubble bubble bubble pop!"
26. What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) - Kelly Clarkson: Sure, the absolutely useless visual for the song nearly ruined it for me, but there’s no denying Kelly when she’s on point. It’s her signature sound of arm-pumping choruses and powerful vocals alongside dance-worthy guitars, but with some extra glimmers of 2011 to help it feel current. Well done, (sonically) Kelly. "It doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone."
25. Black Night - The Dodos: Virtually one of the best alternative songs of year. It rides some heavy drums over a folky swoon that builds and builds as the song progress. Not to mention the evocative lyrics and luscious vocal performance. “When I wanted you, how I haunted you all to myself.”
24. Inside Out - Britney Spears: As wonderful as “Criminal” turned out, and how “He About to Lose Me” would have turned out in a separate universe, “Inside Out” is the single that never was and absolutely should’ve been. Sonically, Britney rides Dr. Luke & Billboard’s mild dubstep flourishes to the best of her ability and manages to sound better here than on most of the rest of the album. Lyrically, it’s fairly typical and sexual, but placed in the context of a break-up romp, it’s incredibly effective. "You touch me and it’s breaking me down."
23. Yoü & I - Lady GaGa: When the song finally made it to the album version, it became a huge, almost grizzly rock-n-country-pop anthem surrounded by huge stomp-claps, guitars, and an earnest vocal performance by GaGa. The best thing about this one is the different texture it gives GaGa’s single discography seeing as the bulk of her previous singles were shades of dance-worthy jams. But the bottom line here is how honest and pure this record sounds underneath all of the rubble. "It’s been a long time since I came around. It’s been a long time, but I’m back in town. And this time, I’m not leaving without you."
22. Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez & the Scene: There’s not much to say about this one aside from, “Okay, Selena Gomez. You got me.” Absolute pop crack. "I love you like a love song, baby, and I keep hittin’ repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat."
21. What’s Your Favorite Drink? (feat. Markaholic) - Jessica & Hunter: How in the hell did this get to the #21 spot? Well, Jessica & Hunter’s comedy videos have been long-time favorites of mine and when they announced they were releasing a single, I was sure the apocalypse was coming. Sure enough, when it dropped, and surpassed 98% of pop radio in terms of personality and mood, I fell further in love. And was bracing myself for global destruction. Seriously though, the inane sounds and lyrics come across brilliant as parody of pop, but also effective as an inebriated pop anthem. Get ready, because Ke$ha and I will be covering this for an international release anytime soon. "My favorite drink is alcohol."
feeling sick and tired. almost everyone else. this stupid apartment. being considerate. other people’s opinions. worrying about my safety and security. wanting more. giving more to people than they deserve. not being able to give enough to the people that do. being asked if I’m okay. wanting to be acknowledged. hearing endless bullshit from everyone. reading endless bullshit from everywhere. being jealous. being excluded. being unappreciated. being cancelled on. being forgotten. feeling like I’m being judged. feeling ugly. feeling worthless. feeling like I will just never be anything more than what I am now.
But I will:
focus on my well-being. focus on the people TRULY show me love. work myself into physical, mental & emotional health. manage the various facets of my life in order to be efficient, productive, and prolific. do what makes me happy and enrich myself. be as responsible as I determine I need to be. become peaceful with my surroundings.
80. Gucci Gucci - Kreayshawn: Left-field hipster rap jam about being too swagged out for that designer ish.
79. I’m Into You (feat. Lil’ Wayne) - Jennifer Lopez: Jenny from The Block jet sets to a tropical island and wades in the middle of a sunny R&B-pop groove.
78. Ships In The Night - Mat Kearny: Delicate and admirable entry in the race for Most Affecting Male Vocalist of the Year.
77. Tonight’s The Kind Of Night - Noah & The Whale: Boy leaves town. Boy says goodbye. Boys sings joyful tune of what could be.
76. The Edge of Glory (Live at BBC Radio 1’s Live Lounge) - Friendly Fires: Absolutely stunning indie makeover of one of GaGa’s finest anthems.
75. Born This Way - Lady GaGa: The self-empowerment fist pump that shook the world for various reasons (depending on who you are, what songs you have heard, and what you think of GaGa).
74. Us Against The World - Coldplay: Poignant and imperfect guitar ballad ranking among some of the band’s finest.
73. S&M (Remix feat. Britney Spears) - Rihanna: The little remix that could… finally boost the single to #1 status.
72. Save The World - Swedish House Mafia: The companion piece to what may be the year’s greatest music video, John Martin’s vocals soar and dash across a bonafide dance smash with too many flawless elements to count.
71. Getaway - Mother Mother: Soothing alt-pop about, yep, getting away from it all.
70. The Creep (feat. Nicki Minaj) - The Lonely Island: The Island’s most memorable moment from 2011 showcases some of the year’s hottest items -> Nicki, creeps, and John Waters?
69. Collide - Leona Lewis & Avicii: Leona joins the dance party with some elegance by singing about love & support over DAT BASS.
68. Mr. Know It All - Kelly Clarkson: The original Idol returns with some percussive feistiness recalling both Bruno Mars and Donna Lewis.
67. Somewhere Only We Know - Glee Cast: Oh, that Darren Criss is just so dreamy.
66. Last Friday Night (TGIF) - Katy Perry: In the ultimate marriage between the sound of old Katy & Katy now, we see Mrs. Brand cutting loose with her friends in the madness of everyone’s wild nights.
65. Man Down - Rihanna: Another prime example of returning to your roots with a fresh spin, our RiRi gets a little criminal on us over a bouncy reggae-pop lean.
64. Sail - AWOLNATION: The man that nailed the classic “Mama’s Room” returns with a sloping electro-fuzzed identity crisis.
63. Motivation (feat. Lil Wayne) - Kelly Rowland: The other child of destiny gets her sexy on with one of the sharpest R&B cuts of the year.
62. Hello (feat. Dragonette) - Martin Solveig: You heard this song everywhere, and I in every gay club I went to this year, but only because this sassy sonicboom is perhaps just exactly what pop needed.
61. On The Floor (feat. Pitbull) - Jennifer Lopez: J.Lo & RedOne ignite “Lambada” over a lyrically tedious spin on the floor.
60. Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People: The biggest surprise hit of the year came to provide a large supply of washed out vocals and a chilled indie-dance bass line.
59. With Ur Love (feat. Mike Posner) - Cher Lloyd: A polarizing figure if anything, Miss Swagger Jagger comes correct on an adorable R&B-pop boom featuring a too-short appearance by my future husband.
58. Right There - Nicole Scherzinger: The Scherz heats up one of Rihanna’s old leftovers and actually does decently enough with it to create a fine enough meal.
57. The Edge of Glory - Lady GaGa: You heard this song, it was amazing. Then it burned out a bit. But then you find out who is REALLY singing this song, and to who, and your life kind of changes forever.
56. All That You Give (feat. Mindy Gledhill) - Kaskade: Graceful and soothing with just enough of a drum to keep you up and enjoying the sunshine.
55. Cough Syrup - Young The Giant: Standout track from the year’s other best new band’s debut album.
54. He About to Lose Me - Britney Spears: The Femme Fatale mixes it up a bit sonically and thematically in one of her punchiest quasi-ballads in years.
53. Titanium (feat. Sia) - David Guetta: It works and it works amazingly. Just listen to that chorus.
52. Make Me Proud (feat. Nicki Minaj) - Drake: Drake & Nicki. Some say there are better things, and they’re right, but here, there are few things that truly are.
51. Heavy Metal Lover - Lady GaGa: Mother Monster takes us to downtown New York for some drinks, a fetish party and perhaps even a pony show while playing an eerily-sexy electrotrash thumper as the soundtrack.
I wanna go back to the generation when a guy had to get permission from the girl's parents to ask her out. I wanna go back to the generation where a guy would physically call her and talk to her, not text. I wanna go back to the generation where your first kiss would be with someone you've been dating for months, not hookup with a guy you meet in a club. I wanna go back to the generation where a guy would give you his varsity jacket. I wanna go back to the generation where a girl can get any guy just by wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. I wanna go back to the generation where the guy wanted the girl, not always just the sex. I wanna go back to the generation where couples slow danced, not grind. I wanna go back to the generation where love actually made sense.
LOL! LMFAO! Well, enjoy going back to the generations of segregation, pre-homophobia, and disgustingly high rates of domestic abuse. And enjoy being dependent on a man’s love & “chivalry” to make you happy instead of doing it yourself. THIS WHOLE THING IS ONE OF THE DUMBEST THINGS I HAVE EVER READ ON TUMBLR.
WAKE UP: IT’S NOT THE GENERATION, IT’S JUST YOU & THE GUYS YOU’RE CHOOSING.
“It’s Okay to be Neither,” By Melissa Bollow Tempel
Alie arrived at our 1st-grade classroom wearing a sweatshirt with a hood. I asked her to take off her hood, and she refused. I thought she was just being difficult and ignored it. After breakfast we got in line for art, and I noticed that she still had not removed her hood. When we arrived at the art room, I said: “Allie, I’m not playing. It’s time for art. The rule is no hoods or hats in school.”
She looked up with tears in her eyes and I realized there was something wrong. Her classmates went into the art room and we moved to the art storage area so her classmates wouldn’t hear our conversation. I softened my tone and asked her if she’d like to tell me what was wrong.
“My ponytail,” she cried.
“Can I see?” I asked.
She nodded and pulled down her hood. Allie’s braids had come undone overnight and there hadn’t been time to redo them in the morning, so they had to be put back in a ponytail. It was high up on the back of her head like those of many girls in our class, but I could see that to Allie it just felt wrong. With Allie’s permission, I took the elastic out and re-braided her hair so it could hang down.
“How’s that?” I asked.
She smiled. “Good,” she said and skipped off to join her friends in art.